Well look what's less than nineteen hours away? The NFL draft. After nearly three months of having to watch McShay and Kiper its about fucking time. Speaking of which, we have a suicide warning: Mel Kiperjr. may kill himself.... soon. It used to be just his show, the lone wolf to battle hours and days of mock drafts, all-day draft coverage, and lone segments, but now Kiper must try to claw tooth-n-nail for his meal ticket as the newer, younger, and better looking Todd McShay has whittled into his air time growing from a young cub into a strong lion. (Sorry, watched A LOT of Planet Earth and Life yesterday, thank you Discovery channel) Anyway, the NFL draft is where teams become champions. There is no formula, there is no reason. And how either Kiper and McShay keep their jobs each year I have no idea. Their job is like being an expert for March Madness, anyones guess could be right. Shit if DarriusHeyward-Bey could get drafted in the top ten above Crabtree, anything could happen. But like the Madness, we have one long trek ahead of us.
Thats Right.... WE HAVE THREE DAYS. Now as much as I want to be excited, considering I've watched an entire draft (no, I'm not proud I'm seeking counseling), its just too much. There's way too much hype for an event that 99% of people don't care to watch after say round two, maybe late one when their team finishes their pick. And now for the first time, prime time coverage Thursday and Friday night. To me this is a damn travesty. The NFL is in its off season, were in the thick of the NBA and NHL playoffs, and they expect us to drop everything. Is the NFL fucking serious, nobody gives a shit about rounds 3-7. The NFL is just a money hungry whore. What happened to the gold ole' days aka '88-'94 Sunday/Monday event or '95-'09 Saturday/Sunday(Funday) event where it was a nacho and wings man fest. Now its all about the NFL extending and squeezing every dollar out of the event, and its wrong. As much as I am excited about all the trade rumors and moves that could shape the landscape of next years season, I would rather watch live games that will determine what I spend hours each night watching for the month. Instead, I have to make a choice, to put my teams in order of who I care for more. Will my football team get that player we covet like Tom Hanks loved Wilson, or will I watch the next star of the NBA or NHL dominate a game by draining a dagger from deep, or netting a power play goal to end it. Its just selfish, and simply disappointing. Goodell, you should be suspended or fined for violating Man's personal conduct policy.
NOTE TO THE NFL: Please remember as much as we love you, and we do, know your Fucking place and allow us to be with other sports. I and many others WANT to watch the Durantchula, the Akron Hammer, unfortunately the Black Mamba, and all that is the NBA, as well as Ovechkin, unfortunately Crosby, and the rest of the NHL. Although I could wait until the second half to care about and NBA game (though usually do not) the athleticism in the NBA is mind bottling. And seriously, nothing is more exciting than OT playoff hockey, God can only know how any any sports fan wouldn't love the intensity and beards of the NHL. Please allow us to do so.
Earl Woods: "Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I wanna find out what your feelings are. And did you learn anything?"
Tiger Woods: "Yes, Dad. I learned a lot. I won't act the way I used to. I won't get caught again either."
Earl: "What are you talking about? I want to know why you missed that put on the 14th hole and why you chose to use the club you did on the 17th?"
Tiger: "O ya about that, I'm not sure, but I was trying to get a good quote out of you for use in a Nike commercial in a couple years."
Earl: "Why would you need that? Just keep copying Michael Jordan commercials, let Nike do their thing, and play well and you'll have good commercials."
Tiger: "Yea, well, just be happy you won't be around in a few years to see what's going to go down."
Earl: "Damnit Eldrick, you better win the Masters if you're going to change the world."
I'm glad you and Nike figured out a way to profit from the scandal Tiger.
Jumping in a little late here, but have been watching games all night. Aaron Brooks' 3 to send the Celts/Rockets game into overtime was nice, but not as nice as watching the Celtics age faster and uglier than uncovered guacamole.
The Hawks looked like they were going to keep it close against the LeBron's, but King James decided to take over the second half and steered the Cavs to a 5 point win.
Kobe looked like his mind might be filled with dollar signs, as hes 4-15 from the field and 0-4 from deep at halftime. However, his teammates picked up the slack, with a 33 point first quarter, and the Lakers lead the Jazz by 9 at the half.
Let's just not discuss the Knicks.
Enough intro, let's jump into the game.
11:39 - Jeff Van Gundy after a no-call on Ron Artest: "I'm not going to call the offensive foul there. Artest blocked and flopped, he's a horrible actor."
Not the worst Lakers actor ever though....and far from the best.
11:53 - I thank God every time I see the Captain Morgan's "reverse ventriloquist act" commercial and am not intoxicated.
11:58 - Bill Walker with three 25+ foot three pointers and a layup in 2 minutes to bring the Knicks within 6. Oracle Arena crowd still on life support.
12:02 - Lee pulls the Knicks within 2, Warriors fans begin to realize there is a game going on.
12:08 - Can David Stern please order Gregg Popovich and Phil Jackson to make a facial hair swap? They just don't look right.
12:10 - Bennie and the Jets should be banned from all sporting events unless you're the Jets or last name is Agbayani.
12:15 - Just realized that the green headbands and other accessories present tonight were for some NBA recycling initiative. Good to see the Knicks participating by getting Tmac his minutes...too bad he repaid them with another knee injury.
12:25 - Apparently Deron Williams stayed at John Stockton's house while he was a rookie. I wonder if there was a curfew.
12:30 - How long can commercials like FreeCreditReport and EducationConnection run with different url's every time before people realize they're scams? How the fuck do these "companies" even have enough money to advertise on TV, are there that many people that are that stupid?
12:35 - After being down 19 in the first quarter, the Jazz pull to within 9 after three quarters. Let's see if they can make this a game.
12:39 - You know how sometimes moderately attractive girls will hang out with ugly girls to make themselves look/feel better? Do you think that's how Jack decides who sits courtside with him?
12:53 - Lakers up by 19 with 6 to go, I've had enough basketball for tonight...and to think, there's still 2.5 month left! I can not fucking wait for baseball to start.
Is there anything else you could want this year at the masters? Maybe collard greens and fried chicken (Thanks Fuzzy Zoeller). But seriously, Tiger’s triumphant return, speculation if he will answer any of his critics, and even other golfers doubting whether he can win it all, can you say bulletin board material to the most dangerous cat in the field? If those texts are any indication, he may be pounding balls down the fairways and sinking putts down the competition’s throats until they are sore. But what we are all waiting for is the return of normalcy and comfort. The comfort that golf has its heart back. Whether you love him or hate him, you cannot deny his game, his passion, and most importantly, what so many other golfers including Phil do not have, that killer instinct and fist pump. What we WILL witness next week and weekend is easily the most anticipated return to golf since Ben Hogan came back after a near-fatal car accident in 1949 to win the 1950 US Open and what has the makings to be one of the most memorable golf tournaments of our lifetime. But, unfortunately we may be left wondering why were watching re-runs of As the World Turns and not getting to see many live shots of Tiger on Thursday or Friday. As is known, Augusta National Golf Course offers the least amount of Television coverage of any major, although having the highest ratings (Come on it’s a tradition unlike any other) and consistently wields its power to ensure TV networks only get the coverage they are allotted. But guess what folks, Augusta has given us some concessions this year in response to the Tiger sighting. We’ll all be sitting on the couch waiting for Tiger and his group to tee-off on the first hole because that is all we are going to get, especially if he’s in an early tee time. Instead the rest of the day until ESPN’s broadcast from 4-730 PM broadcast, we will all be in the dark hoping to find some feed on the internet and satisfying our urges by… no not Joslyn James, bits and pieces of the tourney through minor segments from SportsCenter, freaking out like an addict trying to get our fix of Tiger after a 144 day layoff. Although this sounds excruciatingly painful, like watching Jean Van De Velde choke, and before you jump out of your office window, take comfort in the fact that at least Jim Nantz will be satisfying all of our needs all weekend as CBS will have coverage 3:30-7 PM on Saturday and 3-7 PM on Sunday. In my mind though this is still fucking bullshit, if these women hating bastards from Augusta do not want to give full coverage then make a pay-per-view event. Although I may be an anomaly, I want to see all of this, and not just because I’m a golf fanatic. It’s because I’m human and love drama even if my boy Tiger is the center of it. So let the countdown begin until the circus arrives at Augusta for the practice rounds and Tiger’s press conference Monday. And may we get beautiful weather for next Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. As a matter of fact give us great weather for Wednesday also since there is a par three contest being held people, duh. Until the weekend, make some bets folks and pray Augusta gives ESPN at least some live coverage of Tiger on Thursday and Friday, and if we can‘t get it, hope that Augusta will give us full coverage of maybe some Joslyn James videos?
Here’s to betting on this glorious event, and mainly me getting my fix? Lines Via Sportsbook.com
Favorite: Tiger +350 - You have to be smoking crack on the mean streets of Baltimore to think he’s not the favorite. I don’t care if he hasn’t played competitive golf in 11 months or has been in and out of rehab. On a bad day he may still be able to beat the field, but when he’s on NO ONE on the tour can touch him. NO ONE, PERIOD.
Field + 800- If you’re a joke and have no backbone then take the field. If you do, do not ever speak to the sports machine again.
Top Tier
Phil Mickelson +900- Phil is no longer as big of a choke artist as he used to be, at least because its not a US Open (2006 Winged foot, 2004 Shinnecock Hills… I’ll go on forever). Lefty has game, he’s got a green jacket, he’s experienced and believe it or not he outplayed Tiger when they were paired together in last years final round of the Masters. Phil is dangerous and he’s hungry, no I’m not making fun of his man boobs, he wants to rain on Tiger’s parade and he would love to bring another one home to his wife, Amy.
Ernie Els +1000- I am not going to throw out stats on the Big Easy, but if you don’t know who Ernie is start watching more of the sports machine. Coming off of a win at Bay Hill, he has the momentum going into Augusta.
Padraig Harrington +1500- In Tiger’s absence due to his knee injury, Harrington dominated winning three of six majors. He has the game to get back to the summit, don’t be surprised if Paddy Power is making a push this weekend.
Steve Stricker +2000- A fixture of consistency on the tour and for the American Ryder Cup team, the number two player in the world, Stricker can putt like the best of them and has a swing as smooth as Jiffy PB. It is about time for him to win a big one, and hey if Trevor Immelman can, why not Stricker?
RetiefGoosen +2500- The man’s a winner, and he has proven to come back and play well when it matters. He has won two US Opens and he will want nothing more than to wear a green jacket at the end of the weekend after finishing runner-up at the masters in’02 and ’07. Do not count this guy out; he has as smooth of a swing as I’ve seen, and if he’s leading come Sunday I do not expect him to give it up easily, unless El Tigre comes prowling.
Jim Furyk +2500- What more could this guy want, he’s boys with Joe Torre, has a beak as big as a toucan, but he still has some bones to pick. “The Grinder” as he’s known is dangerous and I see him making some noise next weekend vying for his first Master’s title.
Geoff Ogilvy +2500- The thunder from down under has a US Open title to his resume and would love to add a Masters title. Being a top ten golfer in the world, he has what it takes to take it home.
Sergio Garcia +5000- At this point I don’t know if he will ever win a big one. For all the talent he has, he is just too shaky on the greens. He has the talent to win it, but I wouldn’t trust him with my life standing above a three-foot putt. I guess that’s why they say drive for show, putt for dough.
Young Guns
Rory McIlroy +3000- He’s still a kid, still not even legal to drink in the US, but he’s a BOSS. He had two top 10 finishes at majors in his first year turning pro, and at 20 years of age, we may be watching the future star of the tour, right now.
Anthony Kim +4000- AK set the record for most birdies in a round at the Masters (11) in ’09 and has shown he can play well at Augusta. Is he the future Tiger in American Golf? Either in his golf game or with the women both sound good to me. He’s young, competitive, and tested on the tour, and it may be time for AK’s coming out party. As long as AK gets back to what helped him at Oklahoma a.k.a. getting shit faced the night before, this man can get it done.
As we all are waiting in anticipation for the Men's Final Four (mainly for Duke to lose), the NIT and Women's NCAA tournament are underway. The sad thing is though, we are no doubt more interested in a miserable UNC team v. URI or Dayton v. Ole Miss than any Women's NCAA game. But why? To start, we all know the level of play is just not the same. We do not care about weak layups and spot up threes with a miniature ball, all we want are huge dunks and fast, athletic play. Also, if I hear any more talk about how the UCONN women are so good, I will kill myself. How is anything they are doing interesting? They are blowing out 3 seeds like FSU by 40 in the Elite Eight. Seriously, when the fuck are they just going to make it a 16 team tournament? The games just have ZERO relevance. No joke, the UCONN women's team may have not won a game by less than double digits in a fucking decade. That is not exciting, nor does it make the game worth watching. The parity in women's sports is just not the same, and because of that we will never care about it. In women's sports we watch the same teams dominate every year, and there are no upsets, just bland boring layups. On another note, everyone needs to stop talking about this freshman from Baylor, Brittney Griner. One, she sounds like a dude, and two if you want to be treated and have the same respect as the men, get punished like one. This girl threw a haymaker earlier this year connecting on Texas Tech's Jordan Barncastle, and what did she get? Two measly games. This is a travesty. If Oregon's LeGarretteBlount nearly got a full season in football where the games actually matter each week, how could Griner only get two games. Now I know, everything I say will come off sexist for knocking the women's game, but it just is unbearable to watch, even ask any girl, she will agree. Although some may argue that women's basketball is the purest form of the game out there, and that they play the game the way it is supposed to be played: below the rim, more team oriented and less one-on-one, no one cares or will remember Maya Moore in 5-10 years. Come'on, people wouldn't know who Cheryl Miller was if it wasn't for Reggie and her annoying as hell sideline reporting in NBA 2k10. Which brings me to my last point. We all know who Candace Parker is, dominant player for Pat Summit and the Vols, current WNBA player for the LA Sparks, wife to possibly the ugliest and most retarded Dookie ever, Sheldon Williams, well she has the rare distinction of being the only women to ever win the McDonald's All-American dunk contest. How might you ask, a weak half-assed attempt covering her eyes trying to replicate Dee Brown's 1991 NBA dunk contest winner. Yet who did she rob the title from, JR Smith (Nuggets) and Josh Smith (Hawks) both ridiculousdunkers. I doubt she would have beaten either one of them if they lost both legs. Now I do not mean to be harsh in any way, I just want to bring the facts to every one's attention. To be witnesses of the truth and see the evidence of why no one cares and no one will ever care if the UCONN women tie or break UCLA and Coach Wooden's incredible win streak of 88 games.
