After absorbing that dagger of a buzzer beater and going through the 5 stages of tourney loss depression, I’m ready to get back into the tournament and root for the little guys. We’ve seen Calipari, Boeheim, Coach Rat, and Izzo in the final four before: boring. Who can be this year’s Cinderella? Let’s take a high level look at the contestants (low seeded small conference schools only, get out of my face Washington):
Cornell- The Smart Chick. We’ve heard about her all tournament, and she’s come through big time so far. I feel like Cornell is able to escape the typical hate that most of the other Ivy League schools so easily inherit, and would venture to say that Cornell is the least hated Ivy League school. In the year of the 5-smart-white-guys-who-shoot-the-lights-out-and-don’t-make-mistakes, Cornell is king. I love the fact that their next opponent is the team in the tournament that they are most different from: Kentucky. Cornell kids are little-recruited, non-scholarship athletes, Kentucky kids are full-scholarship (and then some, John Wall has probably seen his fair share of cars, cash, Ashley Judd conjugal visits, and God knows what else). Cornell kids are smart, white (read: scrappy), and hard-working. Kentucky kids are…well, they are John Calipari recruits. Would love to see this Cinderella keep dancing, but it seems like the clock might strike midnight against the Wildcats.
Northern Iowa- The Country Girl. For years we’ve heard how good the Missouri Valley Conference is, but it’s one of those things you hear and then quickly forget. Probably because it produces a different good team every year: Drake, Bradley, and Wichita State all have made recent tourney runs. Or it might be because no one cares about the Midwest (America's desert). Either way, Northern Iowa pulled off the biggest upset of the tournament to date and pretty much captured the attention of a nation by knocking off Kansas. To top it off, up next they have those dirty, filthy Spartans from Michigan State: the team that has become the epitome of tournament success over the past decade. The guy that hit the biggest shot for UNI was Ali Farokhmanesh, and if nothing else, that is just fun to say. Taking that shot took epically sized balls, were talking Elephantiasis, bowling ball sized balls, and he not only took it but he wetted it. Northern Iowa, in my mind, is the leading candidate to move on at this point, because they already slayed Goliath. Now they just have to deal with that green team from the dirty cesspool they call suburban Detroit.
Saint Mary’s – The Aussie Chick. The Brothers Outback. Where do I even start with this team? They have five Australians and a dude named Sandman. To top it off, Sandman’s nickname is Beast, which naturally he has tattooed on his inner lip. His YouTube nickname is poopshower. and he said this after the Nova game:
“I get it,” he said. “I’m a slow white guy, and I’m overweight. So maybe you don’t respect me because I have good numbers. But after I kill you the first half, what are you waiting for? I don’t know what he wanted. Did he want me to have 40?”
You really can’t make this stuff up. One man does not a team make, but one Sandman makes this team significantly better. Next up for the Gaels is the team that took it one step farther than Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton. One thing we know about Baylor, they’ll back up their shit talking. It's going to be one hell of a battle.
All three of these sweethearts could win, or all three could lose. But one thing we know for sure is how awesome March Madness is. Here's to a great second weekend.
No comments:
Post a Comment